Written By Andrea Klein Family Law is demanding and stressful, for the clients and for our staff alike. Dealing with high-pressure...
Written By Andrea Klein
Divorce is generally thought of in a negative light. Many parents stay in marriages that are not working for far longer than they want to because they feel their kids will be exposed to a ‘broken home’ or that somehow their kids will suffer if they are not living in a two-parent household. My experience has been quite the opposite. My divorce made me better. Being a single mom stretched me, expanded my vision of what I was capable of, and ultimately helped me realize my dreams.
Here are three specific ways my divorce made me better:
When I was married, much of my energy was spent trying to ‘fix’ my marriage. I knew my marriage was over years before I ended it, but I was afraid to admit that to myself or to my husband.
So, I did the ‘typical’ things married couples do when they feel their marriage is in trouble. I invested in couples therapy, scheduled regular date nights, and ‘pretended’ everything was okay, knowing full well it was not. I spent years living in denial.
When I finally stopped putting all my energy into fixing my marriage and worked up the courage to admit to myself my marriage was over, my anxiety and self-doubt vanished almost immediately.
I was no longer pretending to be happy; I was happy. I could be myself, and best of all, I could give the best version of myself to my son.
Where your attention goes, energy flows. Instead of investing my attention in a relationship that was clearly not progressing, I reinvested my attention on myself and in becoming the best version of me.
Suddenly, I found myself doing things I never believed I was capable of doing.
About a year following my separation, my son’s baseball team needed a coach, so I volunteered. I didn’t know any of the parents, and to be completely honest, I had never even played baseball growing up, so I knew very little about the sport. However, if I had not stepped up, my son would not have been able to play that year, so I decided to take the chance and ‘step up to the plate’ so to speak.
I remember picking up the equipment vividly. It was me and the ‘dads.’ There were no other female coaches. I was the only one, and I remember feeling so out of place. I kept telling myself ‘Nothing grows in your comfort zone,’ and I was right.
It was challenging but also fun. Luckily, my assistant coaches (fathers of some of the other players) helped me tremendously, and our team went on to place second in the playoffs. It was an experience I will never forget that made me realize just how capable I am.
While I had a lot of experience in my field, I never earned a lot. I never had to worry though, because between our two incomes, my husband and I were able to live comfortably.
One of my biggest fears when I separated was going from a two-income household to one. How was I going to make it on my income alone? I would often think. That fear kept me from leaving for quite some time. When I made the decision to separate, I knew I would have to figure it out. The thing is, when you have no other choice, you do figure it out, and you figure it out quickly too. My separation is what ultimately launched my career and led me to where I am today, a leader in a successful law firm.
At first, it was tough. One year prior to my separation, I purchased a house. I was self-employed at the time, and I did not earn enough to cover all of my expenses comfortably with my business. When I separated, I had a mortgage and bills to pay and a son to support, and I had to figure it out, so that’s what I did. Following my separation, I took on a part-time teaching job, I was freelancing, and working for a law firm part-time. I had three jobs, and I was exhausted. However, I knew it wouldn’t be this way forever, and I was right. When your intention and energy are aligned, what is meant for you will come, and that’s exactly what happened to me. In August 2022, I found a posting for a law clerk position for The Riley Firm on LinkedIn, and the rest is history. I quickly found my place and moved into a leadership role. Everything I had done previously in my career had led me to this place, and I know I wouldn’t have gotten here so quickly if I didn’t let go of my marriage. Now, I work one job, and I am able to live comfortably and best of all, I can show my son what is possible for him too.
I am proud of the woman I have become, and I owe much of my success to making the decision to leave my marriage. I meet many people daily who tell me that leaving their marriage was the best decision they made. There is no right way to do it, and it is one of the most challenging life transitions one will face. However, there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and you can come out of it the best version of yourself too. The moral of the story is this: always choose you.
When you need help understanding your options after a divorce, contact The Riley Divorce & Family Law Firm.
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